Dear Ellen

Dear Ellen,

You are 13 years old and I am so happy for you! I remember, like it was yesterday, when you were born . . . I can close my eyes and tell you about being in the downstairs of the hospital . . . walking around that basement, stopping ever so often at the vending machine just because it was something to look at. Then, after we toured that for 15 - 20 minutes we would climb the stairs and go to the far end of the OB hall where "my room" was. I remember Dr. Marla coming and checking on me - you were my 1st and long awaited - baby!!! Your dad and I didn't tell either set of parents - we were so excited to surprise them like you were to surprise us!

I think right up until the moment you were born, we called you "junior" and I fully expected to have a little boy (while I secretly hoped you would be a little girl) . . . how God must have smiled when He my saw my heart overflowing with joy at you!

I remember the visitors, grandpa Don's classic line was "wow! she has really good color!". So, don't ever doubt your "color" - tanned or tanless, Papa Don knew from the beginning it was beautiful! Grandpa Nelson just sat and held you early in the morning and grandma Shari swaddled you like she has down countless times since. Grandma Bonnie gave you your take home outfit from the hospital - a beautiful pink little outfit with hat and shoes! She loved you from the moment she met you and both her and grandpa Don were honored with your name . . .
Sweet Miss Ellen Janelle.

Dear Ellen, your name was chosen with great care and much love. It means "Light" and Janelle is of course after your aunt, my sister. It reminds me of her and how I love her so dearly and I hope that it will remind you of the love of sisters too which God has given you Two! You are special girls and I pray you can cherish each other like I cherish my sister. Ellen, our prayer is that your life is one that "goes out and spreads beauty and light" in this world. In this dark world. The light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot overcome it . . . and it only takes one flame to dispel the darkness . . . but that flame has to not be afraid to shine and shine brightly!!! In fact, the brighter the flame, the less of the dark . . . courage, bravery, love, Jesus . . . and the darkness goes away. Always.

Ellen, I have tried to be honest with you about being a teenager. In case I haven't been clear, let me reiterate: IT IS HARD. Period.
Notice what I did not say: I didn't say it was impossible (most people grow into their twenties) and I didn't say it was boring or gross or not fun . . . it just takes perseverance--determination. It takes focus on setting your mind to the things that matter and DON'T lose sight of them. You are a beautiful, talented girl fastly evolving into a young woman . . . you amaze me! Your optimism, your talents, your honesty . . . i am so blessed to be your mom, kid! I love you ALWAYS & FOREVER.

I pray God's blessing on you Ellen; I adore You and I love you!

Sunday Pleasures!

wow. what a great thought, what a great quote, what a great truth:

Learn to count. Period.

So much of life is about counting. Ann Voskamp shares in her book/devotional/study a section titled "Learning to Count". How since we are little, we learn to count. And we just continuing counting - money, friends, things, hurts and then she challenges us, challenges me to 'count the things that really matter.' Count the gifts God has given, the blessings He has bestowed, count the graces He has granted and the things He has turned to good in my life. Count them and sit (or stand) in awe of the One who makes all things new.

I love the analogy she shares of a musician and you stop counting, it's like running around in the forest, in the dark, without a flashlight." To a believer who stops counting blessings, it's like running around in the forest, on the edge of the cliff, in the dark, without a flashlight.

"Without counting, the song loses the harmony. And without counting blessings, our lives lose the song, the light--the beat of God's heart."

Oh Lord, help me to number my days and count them for You!

Yesterday's message: Jesus is Full of Grace & Truth (John 1:14). So often we want others to give us Grace while we hold them to Truth. He talked of intention vs directon - how intent does not get us there--directions do!

He talked of how beautiful when the two things come together - like in the person of Jesus! One who is Full of Grace & Truth! Jesus, the beautiful One.

Lord Jesus, this week, help us - Ryan, the girls, myself to show grace to each other . . . to breath life to one another . . . to be truthful in love . . . mostly, Lord, help us to be more like You--beautiful to those who truly see.


Sidenote:
Girls loved the doon.buggy - got completely muddy & dirty!
Nelson's death date - 3 yrs yesterday (Sunday)
Emily lost a tooth! So glad the tooth fairy remembered . . . she'll wake up soon and tell me!
Awesome family time last night - played Sorry together after watching an "okay" movie (Ryan watched football - all's good) and there was only fighting and irritation at the end of the game - this is a big improvement over last time, PTL!
Ellen plays tonight - God protect her, let her honor You, give her tools she needs to do what You would have her to!
Amen & amen - I love You!!!

HoneyComb is NOT a staple

Okay, I am so thankful my family eats cereal.
I do appreciate how we can eat cereal for breakfast,
or lunch
or supper/dinner.
And, it truly satisfies as our meal - all 3 food groups, less the protein and high on the sugar.

What I have failed at in my mothering skills is helping my family (girls + Ryan) to understand that HONEYCOMB cereal is not a food group alone nor is it a staple of any 1 food group.

Regardless of the BIG, BIG taste!

Now, coffee on the other hand . . . I am sure Heaven is full of such goodies!

And to leave with you a lighthearted video for the day - this just tickled me silly! I love it!!! Makes me want to be a teacher:-)

Just "tell a story"

Hey! What a wonderful Christmas celebration Ryan, I and the girls had with all our family - goodness! We are so very, very blessed!!!
We were able to celebrate with the Durst side prior and the Kaufman side after . . . it was just good. My sweet, sweet grandmother (who I like to call Queen Esther) was with us at mom & dad's and I am so fortunate to be 42 years old and have a grandmother who lives by herself, knows me, loves me and wants to be with me . . . God, she is one of those "good and perfect gifts from above" (Js 1:17).

Anyway, as Ryan & I were driving home from KC, we were visiting about how to "make a difference" in this world. Notice, that it is not the same as being "recognized" by this world, or "making a name for yourself" in this world; but how to "make a difference" IN this world - IN today - IN effectiveness (not ineffectiveness). So - am i making myself clear here? Ha!!

No, really . . . are what we doing day.in.day.out, are we effecting this place for good? for betterment? for God? Are we spreading seeds of love and hope and joy? Are we sharing His kingdom here so that others may share His Kingdom there? What am I passionate about? Jesus! Ryan! My girls! What do I love to do? Study and share; teach others about the beauty of His word and how it is tied up perfectly and how His beauty will knock our socks off one day . . . about the marriage of the bridegroom to His bride, the Lion and the Lamb being in perfect harmony . . . living in the truth that He l.o.v.e.s. me. He Loves me. Jesus loves me. Jesus, You.Love.Me. Wow! It's like I just want to share how wonderful He is.

And. In a world of ugly and messy and not so wonderful at times, He is. Always. He's the Beautiful Bridegroom AND He looks at me and sees beauty in me. That is too much to bear at times for me; the love and tenderness He has . . .

Okay - off track - so, we were talking about how some people are so effective in just sharing their story or a story. So, I guess what I am getting at is that i hope to teach my girls to be brave and tell a story. To be brave and tell a story by living it and loving it and confessing and forgiving and forging new paths . . .

Regret is an ugly, horrid word and I want that never to be harnessed to myself or my girls. Live. Love. Give. Serve. "and all these things shall be added unto you."

Sweet Jesus, help me to share my story . . . it has been sad & ugly and happy & lovely . . . but You have always been in it. thank You.
thank You for being the thread throughout, a crimson rope made just for me.

Thank You for Christmas.
Because it led to the Cross.
Thank You for the Cross.
Because it led to Life.

Amen & amen. Love, m!

Dear girls, I am so glad to be part of your story. I love you!
Ryan, you are my story...

Emily Michelle Durst born 12.01.2004, Spiritually born 9.11.2011

My baby . . . 9 years old . . . how can it be . . . thank You God for this gift.

Emily darling - you are loved, you are spoiled, you are my baby always, you have a wonderful spirit and life about you, you give to others pleasure & enjoyment with your presence, you are tenderhearted and you do not thrive on tension, you still sleep with your piggy blanket (God bless you) and you are the apple of our eyes (1 of 3 of course!!).

Emily, you LOVE Grayson. I cannot even state that loud enough or concise enough - here, maybe, it is more like you are absolutely in.love, in.fatuated, in.trigued, in.obsession with this precious little boy. I think his grandparents call you "stalker" - not sure yet if that is a good thing or a bad thing...we'll see.

Emily, your daddy & I adore you. We love you with an everlasting love and a lay.down.our.life you kind of love. Miss Em, Jesus the Christ, loves you with an even deeper love because He WAS pierced for you, for you. He loves YOU so dearly and so completely and so perfectly. The obsession you have with Grayson - that is like a tiny little sample of the crazy love Jesus has for you ... going to the ends of the world if need be - actually, He went to the depths of hell because the need was.

We are beyond thrilled that you love Jesus too! That you have asked Him to enter your heart and make you the person He desires. Our prayer for you is simple: let His love fill you; completely. Nothing, then, will be to big or great or IMPOSSIBLE for you. Because "with God, all things are POSSIBLE." Mark 10:27

We love you babe!

Related by blood.

THis is an 'aha' and a 'oh my' and just a plain old 'wow!


"We are most prepared for Christmas when we are done trying to make our performance into the gift and instead revel in His presence as the Gift.

You are unconditionally accepted and unbelievably wanted because you don't merely know of Him; you are related to Him by blood."~ Ann Voskamp

I am related to Him through adoption; a joint.heir with Christ; but to be related by blood and not of my own . . . it is too much!

Her way with words speaks straight to my soul . . . reminding me over and again, it's all about Him Michelle . . . all about Jesus.

It's 1 week until Christmas . . . my girls are waiting in wonder and excitement for "Christmas" to get here. Oh precious the endearment of children to the anticipation of the Season. God as i take a few minutes this morning before lunches need to be made and showers taken and clothes folded (although, seriously, let's be real--won't happen until tonight, earliest!) and some Christmas cards addressed . . . wait! my coffee is done - hang tight.

Hmmmm. mmmmmmmm, mmmmmmmmm. Ooooooh, that is good; very, very good. Not alot beats the first cup of "good" coffee with a touch of creme!


Okay, excuse the sidebar, as i do take a few moments, God please hear my heart and my love for You and Your gift, Your Son. I am so grateful for my husband and my girls and our families! For parents and grandparents and aunts & uncles - dear God, bless them all.

I am also thankful for where You have placed us right now . . . help us to be light for You - light in the dark so You can really, really shine! So your "Shekinah glory can split the blackness and make the captives free".

Be with us these next 2 weeks and let the "words of our mouths and the thoughts of our hearts, be acceptable in Your sight, our rock and our redeemer." Ps. 19:14

How do you explain Grace?

I am getting ready for our MYM youth group tonight and one thing, among others, is explaining Grace . . . in 5 minutes or less . . . to believers and unbelievers, but mostly to those on milk . . . to have it make sense (although Grace doesn't make sense) . . . to have it stick! Deep in the hearts and their bones, to grasp a little of what Grace is . . . it is too much and I am so thankful and He is enough, always. Jesus, You are enough!

In a devotional I just read (via blog), Ann Voskamp says,

"Christianity isn’t about growing good — it’s about growing grace-filled. The grace we’ve received from the heart of God is the grace that extends our arms to the world.

Christianity isn’t about growing good, it’s about growing grace-filled — Christ-like.

This preaching gospel to yourself daily isn’t cliche — it’s critical. Otherwise it’s your very life that’s in critical condition.

When you fail and you bleed fallen and you’re the mess just wild to somehow make it, it’s inhaling the Gospel that heals: Blessed assurance, Jesus assures: You don’t have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps — you only have to pull close.

It’s the gospel in shorthand and pure relief: My hope isn’t built on my performance but on Jesus’ righteousness.

The flesh is always performance driven and everyday I need to become Cross-centered again and no one needs the Gospel only once because all the bad days need the Good News of His grace again and again.

And I love it. I love Jesus and my mama and these boys and I love this good, cosmic-shattering news and I love the way I now get to love and I love a grace that is truth and continually saves and a God whose love won’t let go and I never get over the Gospel: I always need to get more of the Gospel. I touch a boy’s hand, us red-handed sinners. The Gospel isn’t a one time message for the unbeliever but the constant miracle for the imperfect.

Evangelize yourself everyday."

I love it. And, I need it! Evangelize yourself EVERY DAY! Jesus, EVERY DAY, enter in and grow me into the work of perfection YOU ALONE will complete. It is You. Just Jesus. My mantra now and this coming year, Just Jesus. More of You, LORD, less of me. In Your sweet, precious name.

Amen~

p.s. help these MYM youth kids to have hearts to hear and feel Your love . . . to know Your grace.