The Great Sadness . . .

First, I must tell you the title is from a wonderful book, "The Shack" in which a devastating event is labeled 'the great sadness' for a major character.  

Here are my notes during worship service this morning (yes, my mind was a bit preoccupied):

Twenty-two (22) years ago today, my sister--Janelle Marie--was killed by a drunk driver--our world was jolted to a halt and life stopped for a while.  Sure, breath continued, bodies were in motion, but our hearts were split and they just spilled out.  No one knew if the healing process innate within us started on the top or on the bottom or if we were supposed to wait for someone to push the halves together so the heart could reattach and grow strong once again . . .

Thank You Jesus for conquering death--for nailing it to the cross--for the absolute promise that we will be together again.

July 9, 1995 . . . the day the great sadness arrived.  When did it leave?  Oh, well, it never leaves.  Rather, it moves around - even hides sometimes, but every so often it shows itself at certain times and places.  Sometimes, it is right there in front of you and one has to take notice and just deal with it.  Other times, its a slow entrance you know is coming, so you have time to prepare for its visit.  I don't hate or dread its coming.  I love to remember the reason for it's visit and replay the memories . . . like the song says . . . I could have missed the pain, but I'd have to miss the dance.  No way!

Dear Janelle, I love you so much!!!
https://youtu.be/ztmZKMdr154

Words with Wisdom

Hey, I'm not even referring to Solomon, the wisest of all men . . . no, these are quotes from children's books that are so sweet . . . they make you smile . . .

“‘What day is it?’, asked Winnie the Pooh.
‘It’s today,’ squeaked Piglet.
‘My favorite day,’ said Pooh.”

What words to live each day by . . . like Jesus said, don't worry about tomorrow, the day has enough trouble of its own . . . God, for THIS day, I am grateful!  For THIS day, I will rejoice and be glad in it!

“When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them.” 
—A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket

 . . . in those moments of not knowing what to do, the honorable thing I believe is to try and honor the "who" . . .

Is this not a momma's love . . .


 “Words can be worrisome, people complex, motives and manners unclear. Grant her the wisdom to choose her path right, free from unkindness and fear.”

—Blueberry Girl by Neil Gaiman

I think I need to read this book!  Oh, my prayer for my girls . . . the Wisdom God from You to choose her path right (according to Your best for her), free from unkindness and fear (let her trust be in You alone Jesus, in Christ alone)!


 “It doesn’t happen all at once,” he said. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” 
—The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams

Oh, and this I understand . . . it is in the growing, and the learning and the living we do the loving.  It isn't always pretty and the more you do it, the more worn out you become (physically speaking) but the heart bears all things and loves all things and endures all things and the greatest is LOVE and "real love" is never ugly or bothersome, "except to people who don't understand"!

Dear Mr. Lewis,
I think you are brilliant!
God must have granted you eyes to see and ears to hear
Him.

 “There is nothing sweeter in this sad world than the sound of someone you love calling your name.” 
—The Tale of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo

This is such a great children's book.  I read this to my girls probably 5 years ago and I just want to go pull it out, start again and make them listen and hear the beauty in this truth.  There is NOTHING sweeter than someone in the flesh who truly loves you . . . God, I am so grateful You have given this to me!





Preach!!!  The blessing is all of it . . . without the bad, would we be grateful for the good?!?!?

My sweet sister dear Jesus . . .  my sweet Janelle . . . 

"Courage, dear heart!"  ~the Voyage of the Dawn Treader (C.S. Lewis)

grateful.   God, I'm just so grateful . . . thank You!  amen~

Phantom, the Opera Ghost

Ahhhh . . . it is with a grateful heart I write about a most beloved story of mine.  Yes, I am a complete sucker for a good love story--one that makes you cry and doesn't always end 'happy ever after' (although the Princess Bride is on the top of my list).  Last Fall, I purchased 6 tickets to The Phantom of the Opera, performed at the Music Hall in Kansas City.  Yesterday, we piled in and headed that way for the 2:00 performance.

Okay, in all honesty, 2 of the 3 lead performers were awesome - 1 was extremely weak for the role he played . . . disappointing to both Ryan & I.  There were some slight script/scene changes which were not to my liking (I am a traditionalist when it comes to this story).  Last June, we traveled to Florida and I read the original writing by Gaston Leroux . . . the Phantom wasn't as romanticized as I had made him out to be, but a beautiful love story nonetheless.

The feat of a musical production is truly mind.blowing . . . from the live orchestra, to the singing, the dancing, the choreographing, the costumes . . . oh, how God would have granted me the ability to perform (He did not); smile.  Thus, I am a grateful admirer!

So, the one thing which was the most impressive?  Without a doubt, it was the role of the Phantom--his biography--"about him"--which so impressed me.  They list his schooling, his accolades, his website and twitter handle and he is quoted for thanking Him who has given Derrick the opportunities and gifts to do what he loves.  He gave God the glory with no shame or apology.

When the show had ended and they were receiving their encore, the actor who played the role of the Phantom, looked up, pointed up and then bowed!

Praise You Jesus!  Praise You Yahweh!  Praise You most Holy One, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.  The God of me . . .

We learned this morning from Pastor Jason to not be ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ--rather to share and shine brightly for Him.

Dear Derrick Davis, may you continue to shine brightly for the Lord Jesus Christ!  You have amazing gifts; it was a joy to watch!

Elephant Love

I started writing about this in my journal last Sunday; it went something like this . . .

It's called a "momma's love". I learned this love from my momma and her momma and I hope I can pass it on to my own girls. I am attracted to elephants and I find them fascinating. They are extremely matriarchal . . . they travel in herds, they can be fierce when threatened, they love their babies and they have deep souls . . . to look into their eyes must be one of the most beautiful experiences as I believe you would see another world.

My momma has always loved me. And her momma has always loved me. How unbelievably blessed am I. Three things happened this week which brought to mind how blessed I am . . .

1) My sweet niece had to give a not-more-than-2-minute speech, but a not-less-than-1.5-minute speech. So, she asked if I would listen to her after church this morning while a friend videoed. OF COURSE! Absolutely of course I would do this. Thanks for asking Miss Nat! Anyway, she gets up there (the 6 of us listening are about 6 feet away) and she starts: "Hi, my name is Natalie Kaufman, I'm a Senior at Moundridge High School and I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself." No joke, my eyes watered and tears welled and I had a flashback of my own sweet sister saying so much of the very same and I was overcome with love for this darling; this sweet young woman I have watched grow up since infancy and I wanted to grab her and hide her away and not let her grow up anymore or want her to graduate or time to keep ticking. My heart was so full it absolutely hurt because of the tenderness . . . like when a pregnant woman has to drink so much water so a sonogram will give a good reading . . .you are so full it hurts until it can be let go.


Dear Natalie, Just so you know. I love you and pray God's best for you and I hope that I can be a positive influence in your life for a long, long time. I ask God to let me see you get married, have babies and just be a part of whatever you do for Him! Praying wisdom & guidance for you as you look to next year. I am always here if you need me and will protect you as fiercely as I can. You were precious today. Love,m.

2) It is a wonderful, marvelous 2 year anniversary for me! Two years ago today, Ryan hauled me to the Kansas Spine Hospital for my back surgery. God's hand was in everything that transpired . . . from the rupture to the restoration. God, to You be the glory for all You orchestrated on my behalf . . . thank You! As Chris Tomlin sings Your promises are "Yes and Amen!" I thank You over and over and am so grateful. Each time I walk, run, exercise I marvel at how wonderful You did put me together and I praise You!

3) We were at Hutch Trinity vs Moundridge JV game watching Ellen and in the foyer of the gym there is a crucifix - or a statue of Jesus on the cross with His side pierced and a red marking to symbolize the piercing. I have never seen a picture or symbol of this where I noticed his right side was pierced. In my mind, everytime I have read the scriptures I have always pictured his left side and I'm not sure why. I was searching the scriptures today in church and have not yet found if it says which side was pierced . . . again, it's not a new insight into His word, its just I saw it in a new way . . . something I have read many times before. So here's my thought: I spent a few hours with my grandma today - just her and me. I tried to look at her and really notice her--her hair, her eyes, the way she talks, her mannerisms, the joy in what she was sharing with me-church, her friends, Linda, Helen, the neighbors across the street she took bread too; Arlo & Teresa who she also made bread for; the calendar she writes anything down she wants to remember and everything she thinks of for each day. I just tried to soak her into my being . . . telling her things I remember about growing up with her--special foods she made; looking at some pictures and clothes she had in her closet. God, I love her so much and I thank You for Your provision to her! Like I prayed on the way home--when You call her, please let it be a short call. We know the number and will talk with her again!


It's a momma's love like Mary's when the bible tells us she "was treasuring all these things in her heart and meditating on them." Luke 2:19
It's a momma's love that nourishes and comforts and cares and cries. God, help me to leave a legacy of Love! I want my family to know how dear they are to me. How much I love them. I want the world to know how much I love You. How I praise Your name. How Your love carries me.
Thank You and Amen!

Power of the Stripes

It is a beautiful time of year for me.
It’s the culmination of Basketball for the year.
I love this game. Really, I LOVE this game. #lovelovelove

After an intense substate week, ending in a victory last night (which means we head to Manhatten for the State tournament), I realized something so clear to me this morning.

THE POWER OF THE STRIPES!

In most sports there are Referees, Officials, Umpires . . . those people who have the power to influence the game Hugely!

I have never blamed a referee for losing a game for us . . . I have yet to see that perfect game played; HOWEVER, i have taken pictures of those I deem absolutely unworthy to be holding a whistle and running at the same time as they are obviously not multi.taskers! #frustration

I also have never figured out why someone yelling in the stands about how bad dumb the referee is and how inadequate they are . . . I have never understood, why this fan would think that would be in our favor? After all, those stripe.wearers are human; with ears; and, um, yea! They do have the power to make that call, and that one and guess what, that one too if they choose. It’s not always black & white--is it a jump ball? travel? foul? Depends on their perspective when it happens.

So, are the Stripes powerful? Absolutely. Do they cause us to win? to lose? to stop trying? Absolutely NOT.

Ultimately, it is only by “His Stripes we are healed.” Is 53:6
Jesus Christ alone has the power to cause us to Win. He was in the game, He played it perfectly. He endured the hate, the loss, the shame, because He knew the Power of His stripes and He shed them freely for you & me. Praise God! We are healed. We are saved.
WE ARE VICTORIOUS!!!

Are there power in the stripes? Yes ma’am.
There is.
The power to defeat anything & everything so that when the buzzer sounds, the whistle blows, the time ends, our game continues on another court, in another gym and it will be Awesome!

#getinthegame

We win 2A Sub-State 46-43 over Berean! #takestate

Posted by Moundridge USD 423 on Saturday, March 5, 2016

55 seconds left in 3rd and we take the lead 34-32 over Berean! #makestate

Posted by Moundridge USD 423 on Saturday, March 5, 2016

Dear Mr. Heart Holder

Dear Mr.,

My sweet daughter has given you her heart--unknowingly perhaps, but genuinely and sincerely nonetheless. She has let you have a part of who she is and shaping who she is becoming because she trusts you, believes the good in you and trusts your belief in her.

You, my friend, are a heart.holder.

So, Dear Mr., please take special care of her heart as it is breakable, and it is bendable, but mostly because it is trusting and pure. Heart.holder, be gentle; move it carefully as you carry it with you; and, when you need to set it down or let it go, please do so with grace and love and peace.

And also, dear Mr.Heart.holder, when the time comes, if it comes and you need to send it on it's way, would you be so kind as to send it with wings to fly because you love her heart too?

You see, her heart was taught to "never give up, to never lose faith, to always have hope and to know that it can & will endure."

So, dear Mr. Heart.holder, you will always hold some of her heart because a heart once held is a heart truly loved.

Time will pass and life will move on, but Love sometimes stands still
and remembers
and there is a quiet beating only the heart can hear.

Listen closely in those moments and give thanks for the gift of holding a heart, knowing that every once in a while she is doing the same.

Signed,

`the heart bearer


1 Corinthians 13:6

In Sympathy

Dear Friend,

As you mourn, as you remember, as you hurt in your heart, know this:

Those who hold a loss share something special.
Those who carry a hope share love.

Those who love know it comes with a price...Praise God, He has paid it.

So, then, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope . . . Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Then we will be with the Lord forever.

In a short while . . . until then, let us encourage one another and build up one another to love & good works!

With Love & Sympthay,

your friend.

(1 Thess 4:13,17; Hebrews 10:24)